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Vicki’s new book below!
Guest post by Vicki Tiede
Shelley, thank you for inviting me to be a guest on your blog today. I’m finding that when people pick up my book, When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart, they immediately have many questions. I thought I’d share a few of the most common questions and their answers with you.
In the book you mention that mainstream society largely considers this “acceptable” and even promotes it. Many women look the other way when they discover that their significant other is looking at pornography. Why should pornography use be taken very seriously?
For more reasons than I am able to discuss here, the attitude the world has adopted on this issue is devastating. If your husband struggles with this, be grateful. The good guys struggle with it, all the rest just do it.
One reason we need to take this very seriously is that pornography is a counterfeit sexual experience that damages healthy relationships as God intended. That’s because pornography decreases a man’s interest in real intimacy with his wife and increases his hunger for more porn. When his wife is rejected in lieu of digitally enhanced images of other women, she concludes that she isn’t beautiful, competent, sufficient, desirable, worthy … the list goes on. God’s Word has something to say about this to the brokenhearted woman.
You state (page 14) “In the end you are only responsible for yourself and the choices you make.”
1. Why is this realization so hard to come by? I think this is particularly hard for women in light of that little sin consequence we were given in the Garden of Eden. I’m talking about the desire to control our husbands (Genesis 3:16). Hard as I try, I cannot control anyone but me.
2. This sounds self-centered, but I know it’s not. Why not? You’re right, it’s not self-centered, it’s Christ-centered. You see, when I feel the need to get involved in someone else’s business … when I think I can fix situations or people … then I am communicating loud and clear that I do not trust that Jesus can handle this task. My responsibility is to walk in obedience to the Word of God. The choices I make reflect the degree to which I’m doing that.
What are the top three things you hope readers will take away when they finish reading your book?
I challenge women to examine the false conclusions she has come to because of her husband’s addiction, in light of God’s truth. The top three things I hope readers will cling to when they finish reading and working through the book are:
- She is not alone. Vignettes will resonate with her as she hears snippets of other women’s stories.
- This is not her fault. In the end, we are all responsible for ourselves and how we walk in obedience to God’s Word—or don’t. She can’t control her husband’s choices.
- Jesus can and will take the broken pieces of her heart and make something beautiful of it. Psalm 147:3 assures us that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
This book is set up like a Bible Study. What led you to set this book into sections of time?
In When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography, I lead women down the healing path of Emmaus. Emmaus means “warm springs,” which have long been heralded as a place of healing. I set my book up to create an opportunity for guided discovery, much like the two men on the road to Emmaus experienced.
- I ask her to slow down and fix her thoughts on Him. Christ will catch up to her in the pages of the book that are saturated with His Word. (I assure her that He walks with her whether she acknowledges Him or not.)
- I ask her to listen to what He’s telling her through His Word– even the gentle rebukes .
- I remind her that when the destination/healing seems to be near, she’s going to want more time with him, so she should invite Him to stay.
- Finally, when He reveals Himself to her anew, I encourage her to bask in His presence and acknowledge His care for her.
My hope is, that by breaking the book into day and week sections, it will encourage the reader to slow down and really consider what Christ is saying to her.
More about Vicki: I am an author and speaker who has a passion for opening the Scriptures and pointing women to their true source of grace and faithfulness. For the past ten years, I have been honored to speak for numerous women at conferences, retreats, and women’s events. I am the author of three books including When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography (2012), Plug Me In and Let Me Charge Overnight (2009), and Parenting on Your Knees: Prayers and Practical Guidance for the Preschool Years (coming January 2013). I live in Rochester, Minnesota, with my husband Mike, daughter, and two sons. Visit her on the web.
For Your Readers: Sample Chapters from When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography: Healing Your Wounded Heart
Links to buy the book:
Vicki Tiede (Paperback Guaranteed in Stock.)
Barnes and Noble (BN’s processing times are lagging, but it will eventually be available here too)
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